Trying to be a better me...

I think this is what I've been consciously trying to do recently....

To be a better daughter ...I cleaned the whole house while parents are away for holiday (not just the normal sweep and mop floor kind of chores, but also to stack up boxes, throw away unnecessary stuff at the 'storeroom'....*yah yah, I know had not been a good daughter as I 'left' the housework to my mum, her being the full-time housewife* ... Hahahaha.......and also, i've been very stressed out lately trying to device a great surprise plan for my mum's 60th birthday.... a lot of my friends/ colleagues think i'm a bit too 'kua-cheong' & over-excited about it....but to me, that is a gesture of love... and I think she deserves a good surprise and recognition.... as i'm writing, i'm still very nervous, i've only got a few more days left and my powerpoint/ video presentation is not up yet!

To be a better friend... hmmmm.... not the usual-Amy kind of caring way to call or sms say HI and catch up.... but to make efforts meeting up, spending time, listening out, praying and some acts of service.... especially to those whom I always wanted to care but didnt have the time to.... but with the limitation of time that I have (*yes, sadly still*) recently, I had compromised slightly on catching up with my usual go-out gang or old friends and spending bit more time with people whom I know needed that extra TLC touch... as I search my heart, I think lately I have my share of sad disappointment over some friendships that I hold very dearly to my heart, maybe things have changed or differing expectations, I've decided to just let go and move on.... i've come to learn to just enjoy building quality friendships along the way. Maybe some friends are just meant to come and go in our lives.... so when they 'come', i'll keep them, treasure them till they go away.......... and one 'new' thing that I learn about myself recently is that I cry and laugh a lot and very easily with my friends... and on a few occassion, I just cry with them when they share about themselves and I felt that God knows and sees it all.... and i'm sure God's heart can be broken for us too when we struggle in life and refuse to surrender to Him...

To be a better colleagues.... because of this current project that i'm working on, basically everyday is extremely busy for me trying to resolve issues, highlighting areas of concerns, testing, reconciling data etc... barely have time to breathe...... I have to constantly keep reminding myself not to be sucked into just work... so I made 'special stops' at colleagues place to say HI and make small talks while on my way to the ladies.... or come extra early to go brekkie with the 1 or 2 close colleagues.....or take a break from work at the evening to eat and catch up with them.. and I have been sooooooooooooo touched lately that they are showering me with so much love (* a timely return - wink*) like they constantly walked over to my place (*ya, I sit at the pathetic far end of the finance near HR*) to chat....or just email or call to talk..... and just today, when I came in to office, I had a carrot cake, 1 peel fresh orange juice and a banana prepared for me as breakfast for me... it just made my day....my heart just smiled in gladness..... these people are so sweet....how can I resist from wanting to be a better friend and colleague to them...

To be a better manager..... yes, just been promoted to manager recently.... and even though I have colleague working 'under' me all along.... but I felt some slight changes of expectation from the top management and of course I set a whole new expectation and goal on myself on how to help my 'staff' excel and do well... and this particular colleague of mine where I have a 'love-hate' relationship (love because he always come to my rescue when it comes to excel problems, complicated formulae and computer related issues etc and he's always so sweet to say 'don't worry, i'll be here, working late together to get this out...' very understanding hardworking young chap...hate because he always make me 'stress-for-no-reason' on issues not getting resolved in-time or sometimes saying insensitive comments or jokes that I do not know how to appreciate' *wink* etc...) Anyway, recently we had a good-talk to trash out all issues.... and we aired our frustration and laid out our expectation on the job and the working relationship.... and now things are improving........ and I really hope to be a better manager and friend to him...

To be a better cell leader? ...... dunno if I progressed in this area.... but I have always been trying my best........ and I guess over time I do not see or treat myself so much as a cell leader to them anymore.... but friends who care for them a lot, and i've learnt to give them the space to grow..... i'll just go the distance that they'd allow me to go with them......... and I need to thank my good friend who once told me that it is God's doing... we just keep going and be faithful in serving them... and I think that advice keeps me going and I never look back.....

Any more?! ................Hmmm..........dunno....... not trying to justify that i'm a better person here.... I think I still fail in many areas..... but that's genuinely what I want to be... and I hope that i'm on the right path.... to my christian-readers, please keep me in your prayers.... and I value all the good-reminders or constructive rebukes along the way from people who genuinely care for me and wants the best for me....

Someone once told me 'don't be too nice!'......I bought into that for a while....it didn't make me feel better, in fact, I feel so sorry for myself.... I think I just wanna be 'ME'.......